My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize