do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
