Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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