the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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