So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
