Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
