Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
