If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
