He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
