actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
