I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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