i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
