i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
