Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
