If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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