So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
