So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
