she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
