I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
