I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
