Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize