How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
