I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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