mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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