remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
