Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
