the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
