PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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