I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
