And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
how does that bad decision feel?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
