It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cannot find my penis.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
