so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My feet surprised me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
