her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
