guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
