she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
