Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
