You can't motorboat a personality
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
