Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
