You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
