I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
