Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
