Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
