I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
