i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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