Don't you send me to vm
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
