I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
