a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
