Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize