i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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