btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
