And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
