yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i've created a new STD.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
