I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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