He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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