had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Four minutes until I can fart!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
