omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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