Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i dont even know how to be here
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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