The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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