Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
