I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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