I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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