All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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