Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
