Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize