I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
