On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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