Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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