Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
