Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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