I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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