dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
