I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
