I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize