I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
