This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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