its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
