Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
