But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
