Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
