apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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