I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
