good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
