I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
